returning "home"

This has been an interesting six weeks.  I returned my pump to the hospital today and took the girls back to visit.  It was really weird. It was almost like a returning home feeling as I walked on the nursery floor.  All the memories of their birth came back…..
Way back on the 4th of July weekend, it had been a normal week.  My appt with the specialist that Friday, July 2 went well. I even asked Dr. K if I needed to be on bed rest and he said no. The girls looked great.  That weekend, we helped my parents, ate some crabs, and saw a neat fireworks display.  We also watched the fireworks from Boston - which inspired me for next year.  So I thought we would have another normal week.  So normal in fact that I wasn't over anxious to schedule my 2 week check up with my OB.  It was just a normal week.   Wednesday night we ran a few errands, went to the pool while we waited to meet up my sister who was taking Jeremy for the night.  Kathy picked up Jeremy and we went home.  Thursday morning, I woke up for my 7:45 appointment.  James left for his 8:30 meeting.  With my Starbucks in hand, I drove over to Hayward Drive.  Played chicken with the traffic on RT 15 and reached the doctors office right on time.  During the appt, the tech noticed the girls were a bit sleepy as she had to work to get both girls to cooperate. She made a point to tell me that she was telling the doctor that the girls were sluggish.  A flood of numbness came over me.  I was in the state of neutrality just waiting for the doctor to come in.  When Doctor Hodor came in and started examining the girls, you knew something was off.   Both girls failed their BPP’s with scores of 4/8.  Then that dreaded conversation started.  “You need to deliver” “I would rather you deliver now then have something go wrong and you lose one”   I couldn’t stop one tear from forming as he entered into crisis mode.   Phone calls to my OB’s office were made.   I was sent to the waiting room until decisions were made.  Phone calls to family were made. My husband turned around and drove back up to Frederick. 
It was such a surreal situation.  I had only heard of things like this and now I was living it.  More phones were made as I went back to our house to get my shower and to pack.  Walking into the house, there was the realization that we had no clean clothes (we had to stop at wal-mart on our way to the hospital) and no “birth plans” had been finalized.    The haze was thickening around me.  It was so thick in fact that I had to ask my boss (& youth pastor) what needed to be packed…..

You always wonder how you will respond in certain situations.  I had been prepared to panic but when it happened; I was just numb and prepared to do whatever I needed to be done…. 

This crazy morning was the start of 36 hours of decision making and 5 days on hospital bed rest.   And as I walked onto the 3^rd floor of Montgomery General it felt like had returned to a home.