It's been ...

It's been 3 months or 13 weeks or 92 days since my Achilles Tendon repair ..  This has been probably the worst week of the recovery.  Now don't get me wrong there have been worse days like the day the nerve block wore off or my car was totaled by someone other than me.   But this has been the worst week emotionally .   

Let me illustrate:  Goal posts are never moved.  They are fixed into the ground so the kicker knows how to gauge the strength and angle of his kick.   In recovery since everyone is different,  goal posts or benchmarks are vague notions that can be adjusted without warning.   So imagine the kicker lining up for a 20 yard kick then the goal post is suddenly shifted back 15 yrds.  Would his kick be good?   No, most likely it would be short.  

That was my week.  I was lined up on the 25 yard line to make my kick when the goal post shifted back by 3 months.   That's right, 3 months!   Realistically, my doctor wanted to make sure that my expectations were set and to make sure that I was reminded (again) the seriousness of my injury.  But 3 months?  Then the icing on the cake for my emotional heart was everyone asking if I was "all healed" because I'm out of my boot.   Seriously?!?!?   Yes, celebrate being free from the boot and I'm thankful that I can walk.   And there is still the possibility that I could re-rupture.  At least in the boot,  my ankle was safe.  I still have to be careful.  There is no running (trying rushing around your house late without being able to walk fast or run).  There is no pushing off (I can plank but can't do mountain climbers because that is pushing off).  There is no jumping (trying watching a sporting event and your team scores).   These little things and its 3 more months (13 weeks or 92 days).   

My goal post.   *If the patient is able to perform 10 single leg heel raises - then they can start jogging,*  My doctor informed me that realistically her best and most motivated patients weren't able to do this requirement until 6 months post op.   My goal post shifting by 3 months.

So my apologies if I have been off this week....  

It's all a matter of perspective and deep down I get that people don't understand.  Shoot! I didn't understand when my friend ruptured hers years ago.   My heart is broken now by my lack of compassion back then.   

And I am SO THANKFUL that I can walk and there have been other milestones that made my heart leap ...  like the day I was told that I didn't have to put my shoe on to walk to the bathroom in the morning. Or when I didn't have to sleep in my boot. Or the day that I was free to taking a standing shower.  Or the day my bare foot touched the floor for the first time since July 1.   Those milestones meant so much. 

This last appointment was like a small pin-prick in my balloon.  Finally after 5 days, I have the right words to explain.   

Now it is time to move on, gird up, man-up, and refocus my attention.