Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Life since my follow up appointment at Mercy

After processing through the disappointment or pin prick (see my last post), my mind was ready to refocus and face this week and month.    Throughout this process, I have made a concerted effort to ward off negative thoughts knowing that if entertained even just a sad notion it would send me over the cliff.  Last week was tough but it was just a part of the process.   There are times when I feel like I skip the process section and jump to the conclusions.  But that isn’t always good. The hard things in life, the struggles need to be fully vetted before we can come out on the other side.  Now I am definitely stronger and at peace again with this situation. 

The process…
First realigning my thoughts. Self-talk or internal dialogue is what propels us forward or keeps us stuck.
"According to a new study from environmental physiologists at Brock University, the internal monologue running through your head as you struggle through a workout in hot conditions has measurable effects on how well your mind and muscles function. The results add to growing evidence that seemingly immutable physical limits are actually governed by the brain –and that, with some simple changes, we can alter those limits." (Alex Hutchinson, "Your internal monologue during a workout determines success: study", Sept 2016) 
This internal push is used to drive us, to drive me forward. This push, combined with a competitive drive to always get better, is what motivated me to practice at sports, to work harder, and it's what's propelling me through this injury.

Second, attempting to work out within my limits. 
Walking, the elliptical, and trying to lift some weights that don’t irritate my Achilles tendon.  

Third, this past week took on an encouraging tone for me which started when my PT said I could try to do a single leg calf raise. He helped me erase the fear that if I were to attempt this amazing feat that my Achilles would blow up. 

With his permission, I bravely set out to do a single leg calf raise. Why would this feat scare but yet excite me? Here is a little back ground on the calf. The gastrocnemius is a unique lower leg muscle that is attached to the heel bone by the Achilles tension. This unique muscle performs movements in both the knee and the plantar to flex the ankle.

Now try this experiment:
Stand up from your chair and raise yourself up on your tiptoes slowly lower yourself back down. Pick up one foot, balance, and repeat the motion. Minus the balance part, easy right? I am in awe of the amazing-ness of our calf muscle.


Hiking at Rocky Gap State Park
😉With this knowledge in hand whenever someone asked me if I was all recovered, I simply said let me show you. 


So the next time you see me and want to know about my process; ask me to do a single leg calf raise

Friday, October 7, 2016

It's been ...

It's been 3 months or 13 weeks or 92 days since my Achilles Tendon repair ..  This has been probably the worst week of the recovery.  Now don't get me wrong there have been worse days like the day the nerve block wore off or my car was totaled by someone other than me.   But this has been the worst week emotionally .   

Let me illustrate:  Goal posts are never moved.  They are fixed into the ground so the kicker knows how to gauge the strength and angle of his kick.   In recovery since everyone is different,  goal posts or benchmarks are vague notions that can be adjusted without warning.   So imagine the kicker lining up for a 20 yard kick then the goal post is suddenly shifted back 15 yrds.  Would his kick be good?   No, most likely it would be short.  

That was my week.  I was lined up on the 25 yard line to make my kick when the goal post shifted back by 3 months.   That's right, 3 months!   Realistically, my doctor wanted to make sure that my expectations were set and to make sure that I was reminded (again) the seriousness of my injury.  But 3 months?  Then the icing on the cake for my emotional heart was everyone asking if I was "all healed" because I'm out of my boot.   Seriously?!?!?   Yes, celebrate being free from the boot and I'm thankful that I can walk.   And there is still the possibility that I could re-rupture.  At least in the boot,  my ankle was safe.  I still have to be careful.  There is no running (trying rushing around your house late without being able to walk fast or run).  There is no pushing off (I can plank but can't do mountain climbers because that is pushing off).  There is no jumping (trying watching a sporting event and your team scores).   These little things and its 3 more months (13 weeks or 92 days).   

My goal post.   *If the patient is able to perform 10 single leg heel raises - then they can start jogging,*  My doctor informed me that realistically her best and most motivated patients weren't able to do this requirement until 6 months post op.   My goal post shifting by 3 months.
So my apologies if I have been off this week....  
It's all a matter of perspective and deep down I get that people don't understand.  Shoot! I didn't understand when my friend ruptured hers years ago.   My heart is broken now by my lack of compassion back then.   

And I am SO THANKFUL that I can walk and there have been other milestones that made my heart leap ...  like the day I was told that I didn't have to put my shoe on to walk to the bathroom in the morning. Or when I didn't have to sleep in my boot. Or the day that I was free to taking a standing shower.  Or the day my bare foot touched the floor for the first time since July 1.   Those milestones meant so much. 

This last appointment was like a small pin-prick in my balloon.  Finally after 5 days, I have the right words to explain.   

Now it is time to move on, gird up, man-up, and refocus my attention.  

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Ruptured Achilles Tendon

Please don't be thrown off by the dates...  This post has been sitting a word doc for quite some time.   In the next few posts, I am going to try and "catch-up" to the current week.  


July 1, 2016
It is hard to put into words the week that I had been having.  My husband was off to Nicaragua for 10 days. I had picked up extra classes at the gym trying to earn some extra vacation money and signed the kids up for swimming lessons.  I also had to pack for our family of 5 to leave on vacation.  It was the 3 kids, 2 dogs, a garden to tend, and myself.  
Journal entries from the week:
6/25:  so thankful for my dad helping me pick peas at 6:30 am before I had to leave for work
6/28: “be strong in the Lord” is in the passive tense – strength is something God gives you
My To-Do list from that week
6/30: Interesting Recap.  This schedule while busier – just has work & kids – it’s been “easier” to manage 

It was definitely hectic and to say that my to do list was long might be an understatement – well just look at page one of it. But things were getting checked off.    

Friday started with me cancelling a coffee date because of that list.  Laundry - check. Start packing – check.   The day moved on as normal. We were off to the gym at 4:30 for Friday Night Boot Camp (which is an absolutely amazing class by the way).   The class ran through the normal warm up.  I did a few things but my right leg was tight. Since I had subbed extra classes the day before, my legs were definitely tired.   SO I decided that for the rest of class, I was not going to participate in class but to coach and “take it easy”.  My class was playing bear crawl tag.  There was laughter and sweat – a great combo.  Through the round, as much as I wanted not to play, I found myself playing the game.   Soon they realized that I was fair game to be tagged. A quick step out of the way to avoid the tag then a big step and POP!   Several people heard the pop and some thought the floor board at broken.  The instance after the pop, I felt like something had kicked me in the back of my leg.  I looked to see what could had fallen on me then I knew.  My face said it all.    My left Achilles tendon had just ruptured.   The class stopped and I hopped to the front of the room.   After I had sat down, I told them to continue playing the game. 
Wrapped with ice
 The next hour was really a blur between instructing class, texting my family (remember my husband is in Nicaragua), and having other staff members come and check on me.   Comparably speaking to childbirth, the pain wasn’t awful.  It was a mix of throbbing and numbness.   When it throbbed, that was a 15+ on a scale of 0-10 for pain.    Class rapped up.  On a loaned pair of crutches, I exited through the back door. My sister was waiting for me and after a moment of hesitation (to take her car or mine) off we went in her car.   We just started driving with no idea where to go (we aren’t crazy about our local hospital).  My mind was racing and the thought to call the Institute of Foot and Ankle Reconstruction at Mercy Hospital in Baltimore.  I had seen a doctor there before.   Kathy and I started talking about where we were going to go – FMH, Mercy, and Carrol – with no decision we pulled off into the park-n-ride to formulate a game plan.  We conferenced called my other sister for extra input and decided to call Mercy.   Kimmi looked up the number for us and while we waiting for the phone number, I realized why I was hesitant not taking my car.  My wallet (licenses, medical card, etc.) was in my car.  With that realization, our game plan was done.   We would call Mercy, order dinner, run an errand, take dinner back to my parent’s house then head out to wherever we needed to.    In calling Mercy, we left a message for the on call doctor and off we went.    

Pizza ordered.  Kathy ran into Walmart and Safeway.   I tried calling my husband then sent him a text.  “IF you could call, that would be great.”   Also, I texted my friend Steph who partially ruptured her Achilles to get her take on it.   

You never know what you do in a situation until you are in the situation.  My mind was trying to prepare for what was next.  I’m a “fix-it” person.  If there is a problem, let’s figure out the plan and fix it.  It’s also hard for me at times because there are times when my gut says to do something but can’t explain why.  For example, the hesitation about which car to take.  My mind didn’t connect that my wallet was in the car but my gut knew.  

At my mom’s house, the plan wasn’t coming together because we had no clue where we wanted to go.  Steph said our local hospital had misdiagnosed her Achilles as a sprain.  “Don’t go there,” she said.    Where then? Was the question. Just as we were gearing up to go somewhere, a call from the 410 area code come in.  It was the on call doctor from Mercy Hospital calling me back.  
I explained the situation and our conversation went like this:
  •  “Do you have a boot?”   Yes   Do you have crutches?  Yes, then save your money, put yourself in a boot, stay off it and call us on Tuesday.
  • Then I told him that I was supposed to be leaving in 24 hours for our vacation. He was honest and said that I might have to cut my vacation short.
More conversations and I finally decided that I would go on vacation then fly home from NH if the doctor told me too. The kids spent the night at Grandma’s as planned (originally I had several client appointments scheduled the next morning) and I headed home. Mentally, my brain was on go mode to pack, finish laundry, clean … blah blah blah
Me and my backpack trying to do laundry for the trip

Quickly realized:   laundry was in the basement and I was on crutches.   I made it down the stairs to analyze the situation and realized that a backpack was going to be necessary for the things besides my textbooks.   I needed it to carry things around. 


Moved things around then decided it was best if I went to bed…  this was the start of a very long process.  

 

Looking Back:


If you would had asked me that day, I never would had guessed in a million years that my left Achilles tendon would rupture.   My right leg was tight but my left felt fine.   And while my left ankle constantly had problems,  the doctors always checked the achilles and said it felt fine.  Unfortunatley we will never know what actually caused it to blow, we are just left with lots of speculation.   

Functional for Life