where my strength comes from......

Sometimes (more times than not) I just shake my head at me! Yesterday at a meeting for a new gym that I will be teaching at (again shaking my head),  I made the comment about 5 a day 4's is such a hard year for me.  Then it hit me, when Jeremiah was in the program, the girls were 2!  And they were every sweet ounce of 2. 

From my FB post:

Sometimes (more times than not) I just shake my head at me! With everyone having twins ... its makes me reflect on the girls and the last 4 years. From their fetal distress and the decision to take them sooner or to wait, to our 10 days at the NICU having to balance life with a 2 year old and driving an hour to see the girls everyday (we lived in Frederick and delivered in Olney), the transition of life from 1 baby to 3, through viral meningitis, a lithium battery and our crazy life in between. Its just crazy to me think back at remember.

It is really surprising that I am still standing.  But not really because through it all, I stood on the rock of Jesus. Christ whether it was conscious or not, has been and will be my foundation.  These past 4 years has shaped my faith in ways unimaginable.  So that when trouble does hit, He is my source of strength.  That's why I don't want my strength to fail because it isn't my strength but His. 

A new beginning ....

This blog started out as a way to track the life of my baby girls who have rocked our world.  It would be an effective tool to journal their lives but (again) they rocked our world.  They flipped everything upside down and its been the most amazing experience ever.  Today as I pushed one swing then the other and as both girls played in the bathtub together,  I am more thankful today for their beautiful smiles and laughs than yesterday. Then this blog took a political turn as a way to express my rants without the feedback (both positive & negative) from Facebook.  What that as taught me is that I do not know anything and I am driven by common sense.   Sometimes my common sense and realism (aka blunt) override my compassion but day by day this realization settles in and it allows me to grow. 

Then this blog is going to remain a journal of sorts of my life ...  all of it. Expressions of my heart,  trials of training, life with the kids, life with fitness, and everything else! It's going to be that balancing act.  My hope is to look back and remember things (ha ha I forget all the time) and that it can be a launch pad of sharing ideas, successes, and improvements. 

Now it is on its way to being just a reflection of my heart........

Forgiveness

After struggling with what forgiveness looks like and how to model after Jesus, tonight this thought popped up...
"Forgiveness is freely given but respect and trust is not" 

Example:  You have a friend that hurts you; you forgive them but then what.....  Are you just buddy, buddy with them again?  No.  That relationship needs to be rebuilt from the foundation up.  So if you chose to rebuild, it will be a hard road.  

Forgiveness frees your heart from the entanglement of bitterness.   But trust and respect, have to be earned.    Those two things are very hard to earn back.   

Do you ever just want to go off and be blunt about how you really feel?  To rant in blind passion that forgets all logic and reasoning. 

Thats how I felt when I typed up this for my status:

Just some mental rants for the day..... so seriously this will offend some and if does then just delete me from your friends list. I have every right to think this way....

1. They are just pets that we need to love, respect, & take care of .....
2. The hypocrisy that comes out of the mouths of people in this political season is dumbfounding to me. So what if the President is getting beat up, Your side beat up President Bush ... no one even you truly respects the presidency....
3. Common Sense - where did it go and how do we bring it back ....  

What I realize after slowing down to process through is that we all do these exact same things.  We get so blinded by the wall that is right in front of face that we fail to look beyond our own opinions.   We get passionate with our own beliefs then seek out others who agree.    We should first seek to understand before we seek to be heard. 

Culture of Failure

Trying to sit down and write all these thoughts that are running around in my head is difficult!

But the app is downloaded

The Lord, freewill, and more

In talking about doing what God wants vs what I want to do. The question was asked,  "Does God still love and support me when I am doing what I want?" 
Think about when babies are learning to walk. As a parent, we watch the babies tumble and stumble while we stand back. We let them fall and bump around but we are always close enough to catch them before the truly hurt themselves (like falling down stairs). They are always within reach even if they don't realize it. Isn't that so true with God and us? He guides us giving us the safest and best path to follow and yet we do what we want. As we do what we want, we fall and get bruised and injured. Yet, He is behind us lovingly protecting us so we don't slip off the edge and go too far.
He will not let us endure more than we can bear. He let's us screw up because that is free will. And still as an amazing Father, he protects.